


Hold On

by StrawbaerryJay



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Depression, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, poor hinata, sad baby bird
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-08
Updated: 2016-11-27
Packaged: 2018-04-19 17:32:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4755041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StrawbaerryJay/pseuds/StrawbaerryJay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a girl commits suicide at school, which Hinata got to witness up close and personal, the boy is broken. He isn't the Hinata Shouyou everyone had fell in love with anymore.<br/>When Hinata is at the end of his ropes can Kageyama fix him? Or will someone else try?</p><p>Short Preview: Hinata simply stared at the pavement below him, wondering how easy it would be to just... jump.</p><p>WARNINGS: Suicide, depression, May develop in later chapters. Also, a good bit of OOCness</p><p>A/N: Let's just say, as much as I love Hinata, I love putting him through a lot just as well. Don't say that you are a writer and you looked at a sweet, innocent, little character and think, "I could crush you into a million pieces." Because, you good sir / ma'am / human, are a dirty liar.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Suicide plays a major part in this story.

  There was no warning when the girl had jumped off the roof of the school. She didn't scream, she didn't yell for anyone to move, she didn't even cry- she just let gravity take her plummeting to the ground. 

  It was during the lunch period a few days before, she was in Hinata's class. He could recall asking her for a pencil or for the notes every so often when he fell asleep, but why hadn't he been able to recall her name? She had friends, anyone could pick them out the day she jumped. They were sobbing and screaming- the pain in their voice wasn't something Shouyou could get out of his head. When she hit the ground, he could recall the sound of her bones breaking and blood splattering, she landed in front of him and he had moved forward to see if he could help her, but made a mistake by meeting her eyes. She didn't die fast, she was still dying when he saw her, he watched the light fade from her eyes.

  Suga and Asahi were by his side first, he couldn't remember what Suga had said to him, probably something to make him rejoice with reality, but he was frozen. He was stuck staring at the girl, he didn't have time to wonder why they were trying to get him and not help her. He remembered Asahi wrapping an arm around him and carrying him to the gym. He didn't say anything to the team that day, he was still numb when Suga took a wet towel to his face, getting rid of blood that had sprayed on him. He wanted to argue with his underclassmen when Noya and Suga took off his school jacket and talked him into different shorts, what he had on was fine- He didn't even notice the red. Daichi had let them go home early. He could recall Kageyama walking a bit closer to his house than he normally walked, before turning around without a word and walked back. He figured he got stuck in his own little world.

  When he got home, the scene replayed itself a hundred times in his head. Why had she jumped where he was walking? Why when he was the only person that was close enough to spot her when she hit the ground? The more he thought about the incident, the harder he found it to not cry. It wasn't until he started to fall asleep that he knew what her last words were and they had been directed towards him. 'Help me.'

-

  For a few days after, that first day repeated itself. He found it harder and harder to smile for the team. He always felt tired, he couldn't do the fast attack with Kageyama anymore, he felt so drained. His mind was so numb, he ended up spacing out during practice, being hit more than a few times with the ball. Coach had him sit out practice one day and he found himself outside by the fence, curled up in the shade. Why wasn't he worried about losing his spot on the court anymore? What was wrong with him? When did he become so useless? He cried until Suga appeared in front of him, and he walked past the older male without a word.

  No one in the school would go onto the roofs after the incident, staff or student. It wasn't everyday something like that would happen. Hinata on the other hand, he found himself on the same roof the girl had jumped off of, looking over the edge as he sat with his feet dangling and arms wrapped securely around the railing. Why was he there? He had no clue. Hinata simply stared at the pavement below him, wondering how easy it would be to just... jump.

  When the door behind him opened, his entry body stiffened in alert. "Hinata..?" The voice that came from behind him was what surprised him the most. He had expected Suga or Daichi, maybe even Noya and Tanaka. Not him. Not the one person who he would jump just to avoid his attempt at encouragement. "Are you okay?" Kageyama's voice cracked a bit, obviously not use to having to comfort people in the way he was probably being forced to at the moment.

  "I'm fine. I'm just thinking, Kageyama. You can go back inside if you want." The decoy expected Kageyama to stick his tail between his legs and take off, not to take a seat next to him with his usual milk in hand.

  "Idiot. If I didn't want to be up here with you, I wouldn't be here... What are you thinking about?"

  "Just... Stuff..." Hinata kept his eyes forward, not wanting to look at Kageyama when he was on the verge of tears. "I can't really explain it. I've been thinking, but when I try to remember what I was thinking about... I just kinda draw a blank..."

  Kageyama was quite and Hinata was pretty sure he had left until he felt a hand on his back, he turned to meet the setter's eyes. "Sho- Hinata... the team's worried about you... I'm worried about you. I haven't seen you smile in a week... I'm worried, I don't want you to be upset. If you just talk to someone then maybe-"

  "Is that why you're here? Because the team forced you to come talk to me? Look, I don't want to bother you with my problems if you don't want to be here just go." Hinata stood up from his spot, walking to the centre of the roof. The thought of jumping was to welcoming for him. He only stared at the cement under his feet, not noticing that Kageyama had stood up after him.

  "You really are an idiot."

  "I heard you the first time, Ka-" He was cut off when he was turned around, his eyes widening as he was pulled into his setter's chest. One of Kageyama's hands were pressed against Hinata's head, keeping him close as the other was wrapped against his upper back.

  "I already told you, I wouldn't be up here with you if I didn't want to be. I want to see you smile again, I want to hear that stupid laugh of you have, and I don't like seeing you upset... Just talk to me, the team, someone, anyone. Hinata, I'm begging you to be yourself again." He was frozen. He could here Kageyama's heart thumping in his chest, it was so calming. He didn't deserve that. He didn't deserve Kageyama's words, his tosses, his anything. 

  So, he pushed him away and ran off down the stairs. Kageyama called after him, but he kept running. He had to get out of there, he had to leave. School was over anyway so, he just ran to his bike and got on it, pedalling like his life depended on it. As far as Hinata concerned, it did.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry.

  Hinata rode his bike, pedaling as hard as he could. He had already passed up his home and he was positive he was a few neighborhoods father than where he lived since the houses had grown in size and luxury standards. Even then, he kept pedaling until his legs gave out and buckled underneath him. He toppled off the bike and down to the ground, his body crashing with the grass beside the road he was riding on. 

  He laid limp in the soft grass, not wanting to move from his spot, but knowing he had to make it home or else his family would start worrying. Now that he had time to think about it, he had no idea how long he had been on the roof. What if they had already called the police to find him? What if they were worried?... What if they didn't even care? So many thoughts started to run through his head as he laid in the grass, his body no longer willing to move.

  He couldn't even work up the energy to move when he saw a dark shadow looming over him. He didn't even want to move at this point. If they were going to kill him, he'd let them. 

  "Are you okay, shrimpy-chan~?" When he heard their voice though, his body worked up enough strength to lift himself up on his arm. His head tilted back, taking in the tall male in front of him. A smirk was plastered on the grand king's face as he looked at the decoy. "Do you need a ride home? I can give you one if you'd like."

  "I don't need your help, I have it... I just need to rest some." Hinata's response came out colder than he would have wanted it to be, but at the moment he wasn't exactly in the mood to care either.

  "Don't be so rude~ Tobio-chan is rubbing off on you. It doesn't fit you, doesn't fit your cute personality." Oikawa winked, a small blush forming on Hinata's face as he looked down again. The middle blocker shifted to his knees, trying to make it easier to stand. 

  "Don't talk about Kageyama like that. He isn't always mean, you just happen to bring out the worst in him." The setter acted offended as Hinata tried to stand, his legs giving out under him once his body was straight. He closed his eyes, ready to meet the ground again. He kept his eyes closed until, wondering if his body was numb enough to the point that he wouldn't feel the ground if he hit it. He slowly opened his eyes to see that a familiar white and blue jacket was pressed against him as Oikawa held him, one hand on the small of his back and the other placed carefully under when his knees bent.

  "Why-?'

  "You should be more careful, Chibi. Your team won't be happy to hear that you got hurt due to you riding your bike, for who knows how long, just to end up in my arms~" Hinata just stared at the boy holding him, not yet pushing him away. His brown eyes meet the grand king's burgundy ones and he suddenly realized why girls followed him at every game. 

  Once the sense returned to him and his face had turned a bright enough shade of red to satisfy the older male, he pushed him away, causing himself to drop him the last few centimeters. It wasn't until them that Hinata realized the setter had been kneeling.

  "Why do you even care what happens to me? We're always on different sides of the court to start with, so i'm never your ally. I'm you opponent." Oikawa chuckled some and shook his head, not standing up from where he was kneeling.

  "That only matters on the court. Right now, you're someone who needs my help and I always love playing the hero in these kind of situations." He smiled again and shifted to pick up Hinata's bike, lowering the kick stand by hitting it with the palm of his hand, which Hinata practically winced at while watching, so it stood up on it's own. "There. Now, I need to find a way to get you and your bike home."

  Hinata sat quietly, watching the other think. It was amazing really, the way his brow creased in concentration and he kept his eyes forward. It took a minute for Hinata to realize it was the same expression he had on the court when he wasn't smirking. 

  He didn't realized he was staring, but Oikawa surely did. When the other chuckled, Hinata blinked and turned his head away.

  "I think I have a good idea, but involves you, me, and a short car ride..." His signature smirk returned and Hinata nodded.

  "O-Okay..."He stuttered, curing himself for it afterwards. Being caught staring really did embarrass him. "You can drive?" Oikawa chuckled the his question and nodded. 

  "Of course I can, flustered chibi-chan." His tone wasn't mocking like Hinata would have expected, but more comforting despite the small jab towards the end of it. Without much of another word, he stood up, picking up Hinata swiftly and easily in the process.

  The shorter male's arms locked around the other's neck, not wanting to be dropped- may it be by accident or on purpose. "May, may, You're getting a little close, aren't you?" 

  Hinata stuck his tongue out as Oikawa chuckled, walking the way opposite of where Hinata was riding to. "How did you know it was me? You couldn't have just been walking around and noticed me..." He wasn't even sure why he was asking. Honestly, he didn't realize it was on his mind to start with.

  "I saw you riding your bike from my room window and I figured you might need some help once you got whatever was in your system out.." He didn't look at Hinata or grin, which threw him off more than anything.

  "Oh... um... thank you then. I guess I owe you, then." He wasn't happy about it, how could he be? It infuriated him, if he were being honest about it all.

  "No. You don't." Before he could respond to Oikawa's statement, the taller male turned into a driveway, most likely his own, and set Hinata down carefully on the cement. "Don't run off, I'll be right back." With that, the third year winked and ran inside.

  The middle blocker finally got the chance to look around, his gaze turning to the house he was sat in front of. The place was beautiful to say the least. A grand two story of wooden and brick, with what seemed to be a detached garage farther in the back. There was a basketball net set up out front, which made him wonder if the setter had any siblings running around.

  It wasn't anything super extravagant, but it was better than what he had. If was just him, his mom, and Natsu living in one home so they didn't really need much. His home was a one story with the bedrooms tucked away in the back, Hinata's room being the farthest from the main entrance of the home. The didn't have a garage either, it was more of a decent sized cover- enough to make sure his mom's car wasn't soaked when she had to go to work or that his bike would rust.

  Once Oikawa returned, the smaller male was already half asleep where he sat, causing the older male to chuckle and scoop him up again. "I had to grab my car keys and let my family know I was leaving."

  He only nodded in response to the words, finally registering how tired he was.

  Crying and riding a bike for to long would do that to someone.  
   
  He let the setter carry him to his car, and buckle him in, and of course Hinata let him brush away some loose hair that was on his forehead for him. Who wouldn't?

  The carrot top was sure he was officially drained when he didn't register Oikawa close the passenger door or go to his side of the car. He did notice when the car started as cold air hit his face from the air conditioning, causing him to sigh in content.

  The drive was short, but it felt like forever for him (but it was fun to watch Oikawa figure out how to put Hinata's bike in the car with them). He was stuck in a car with his friend's (sorta, maybe) rival (the relationship was hard for him to understand sometimes, but needless to say- Kageyama didn't like the guy). As the approached his neighborhood, Hinata sat up and pointed it out to the driver.

  "Really? It's a bit away from your school." He felt himself smile a bit, proud of the distance he traveled to get to and from his dream school.

  "The ride on my bike can be a bit rough, but nothing I can't handle." He grinned and the other smiled, leaning his head on the steering wheel as he stopped at a sign.

  "That's the first time I've seen you smile their whole ride, Hinata-chan." He felt a blush rise to his face when the setter said his name. "What's been bothering you..?"

He stayed silent for a minute before speaking up. "It's a long story."

"I think we have enough time."

"I don't want to bore you with all the details."

Oikawa laughed. "You seem like you're hardly able to bore anyone."

Hinata paused and looked at Oikawa, who's eyes were still locked on him. No one had pulled up behind them yet so, until someone did, Oikawa could stare at him all he wanted.

"I don't know where to start."

"The beginning."

So, he did. Details and feelings he never told anyone, not even Kenma, had started to flow out of him. Between quick directions and pauses to breath, he poured out his soul to someone he barely knew. He was trying not to cry, saving the some dignity he had left. It wasn't until they pulled up to his house did he realize he hadn't let the other say a single word.

"Sorry, I-" He started, but was quickly cut off.

"Don't apologize." His smile barely lessen the sharp command in his words. "Look, I asked you to tell me what was on your mind and you did, you don't need to be sorry for doing what I asked..."

"Oikawa-" He was cut off again, but the setter kept it short.

"Call me Tooru, that's my name after all." 

"Tooru... umm... why are you being so nice to me? You drove me home, listened to my problems, told me to address you by your first name... what are you gaining from this?" His voice was quite towards the end, hoping the other's answer would be a solid 'nothing'.

"Well, you see, you've caught my attention. And you catching other people's attention has also caught my attention." 

"I don't understand..." Oikawa chuckled a bit and shook his head.

"Then, let me explain it another way..." Before Hinata could question what was going on, the other leaned forward and connected their lips in a sweet, short kiss.

Once Tooru pulled away, exhausted or not, the middle blocker was out of the car and running in his house full speed.

He shut his door, without a single word to his mom or sister as to where he had been, and jumped into his bed. He curled into a tight ball, his eyes shut tight. 

His thought were haywire, he didn't know what to think, or say, or do. Oikawa Tooru had just kissed him. Oikawa Tooru was his first kiss.

He never planned for him to be his first, proper kiss, but it had happened. And Hinata didn't feel as disgusted as he thought he would.

He wasn't sure when he fell asleep, but he welcomed slumber automatically with opened arms.

The next morning, he found his bike parked under the cover, next to his mom's car, with a small note with numbers and a name attached.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took forever and it isn't much, but I haven't been feeling up to writing so much lately so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Something was wrong.

Maybe acting on feelings that he didn't fully comprehend wasn't the best move on Kageyama's part. Whatever had been bothering Hinata just seemed to get worse as time passed and after his poorly thought out confession on the rooftop, the boy wouldn't even look at him anymore.

Practice went smoothly as usual, which surprised him even more than it should have with his peer's recent problems. Did he expect the middle blocker to return his feelings? No, but he at least expected some sort of acknowledgement to the fact that he found the boy on the rooftop liking more than a little ready to repeat past incidents. Which was something that still needed to be brought to the team's attention, but he didn't know how to present the fact just yet.

Takeda had checked Hinata's grades after his game performance improved and he soon found that those had improved also. Which was a great step above what Hinata was usually like and while everyone was praising the boy for his sudden achievements, Kageyama was worried.

"Suga-San..." His voice was low, not wanting to interrupt the upperclassmen's conversation with his friend, but he was the only person he knew that he could talk to about what he was thinking. As the attention turned over to him, he felt himself retreat a bit as the other called off his conversation to pull Kageyama to the side and before anything else could be said, he spoke up again. "It's about Hinata... Something doesn't seem right and I'm aware that he's doing better at practice and in class, but that doesn't mean he's doing well, right?"

Surprise crossed across the other setter's face for a moment before a smile took its place. "Kageyama... Hinata's situation is complicated right now. He's already talked to me about what had happened in his life recently."

There was no way that Shouyou told Suga about what happened on top of the roof.

"I understand why you'd be upset-"

There was no way, he wouldn't.

"He didn't want me to be the one to tell you, but since you've already picked up on what's going on- I guess I have to. Kageyama..."

It was worse than he thought. Not only had Hinata told him, but he told Suga to reject him for the middle blocker. that hurt more than his little crush being exposed.

"I know it's hard in you for Hinata to be dating Oikawa-San. I mean, Daichi almost blew a fuse when he found out."

What?

"You just have to keep in mind that whatever is going on between them is none of the team's business. Oikawa seems to have a positive influence on his life, really. His grades are improving along with his performance."

This can't be happening.

"Especially with what had happened, Oikawa makes him happy and that's all that matters. We just have to accept that fact and move on because as long as he is happy and content with his relationship, we have no say unless it grows to be unhealthy. I don't want you bothering him or rushing to nag him about it, understand?"

"I understand." This couldn't be happening. "Thank you for explaining. Have a nice day." Kageyama turned and started for the gym seeing as practice was due to start soon enough. Sugar was wrong. That was the only explanation for what was going on. There was no way in shell Hinata would ever think to date that bastard. There was no way. 

No way.

As he came up on the doors of the gym he found his feet moving at a faster pace. His mind was turning wheels after than he could process at one time and it was to much for him. To much. His feet moved when orange flashed in front of the gym window, probably Hinata jumping up and down as always. Soon, he was past the doors, his body still outside as he moved along the side of the gym. What was he doing?

He had no idea what he was doing, but his body was moving on it's own and just like Hinata had ran from he, he ran from Hinata. Though, this time he had uncharted feelings following him that he never wanted to consider again.

There was no way he'd let himself get hurt a third time by the same person.


End file.
